I’ve been wanting to write something, anything for months but the words just wouldn’t make their way from my brain to my fingertips. It’s been about over a year since I’ve put any type of effort into paisleydarts; the lovechild that is my innermost thoughts. I haven’t felt inspired in a long time but I’m working so hard to get out of this rut that I’m in, whatever it may be. Maybe it’s a fear of letting my judgement-proof guard down and letting people have a piece of what means the most to me. My words. Most won’t appreciate them but this is solely for me. A time capsule of some sort for me to look back on and laugh at my foolish blurbs.

It’s funny how a heartbreak can force you to take a step back and really analyze who you are. I completely lost my sense of self to the point that after the break-up, I felt completely stripped and alone. I was so used to being an “us” that I forgot what it was like to walk on my own two feet. My heart may be broken but I’m not. I still have a ways to go as far as self-realization goes but that comes with time. I can’t rush the life lessons that I know I will gain through life and love and hell, maybe even another heartbreak. I’m just grateful that I no longer feel like a piece of me just up and left me, without any type of regard for my well being. No one but me can break me.

This is a complete new start for me. I’ve never been so excited for the future and what can be. It took someone breaking me down, or at least trying to, for me to get to this point but so be it. I should thank him but that would require a desire to communicate, which I don’t possess. Me mentioning him alone is enough gratitude. Even that was too much for someone so undeserving.

Sade’s serenading me, telling me to cherish the day and this bottle of wine has me floating above all the negative thoughts that are trying to manifest themselves in the forefront of my mind. At the moment, all is well and for that, I’m content.